In the best traditions of Grigoriy Oster
Code Explains Itself
Variable tmp_var_2 clearly means temporary variable number two. Function doStuff() does stuff. What’s unclear?
In a year you’ll forget “XX” means Swiss VIPs, “YY” means problem debtors. Debugging at 5 AM Saturday will be thrilling!
Be Irreplaceable
Keep everything in your head. Only you know how critical systems work.
When colleagues ask “how does this work?” — “It’s complicated, I’ll just do it myself.”
Let them call you at 11 PM Friday: “System’s down, what do we do?”
When you’re sick for a week and the project stops — excellent way to demonstrate value.
Save Time
2 hours on documentation or 2 hours on a feature? Feature wins!
New DevOps spending 3 days figuring out your deploy scheme and breaking prod monthly — details. More features in resume!
Documentation Gets Outdated
Why write what becomes irrelevant tomorrow?
In six months you’ll forget why you wrote that function with three nested loops. Like a detective, reconstruct past-you’s motives.
Especially fun when it breaks in prod and you have no idea what it should do.
You Have Great Memory
Why document server configs?
When database crashes: “Stop service A first, then B, or vice versa?” — great memory training under stress.
If you lose data — what a story!
Let The System Speak
Don’t document architecture. Let new developers learn from error logs!
When they accidentally break critical integration — perfect opportunity for an unforgettable weekend restoring functionality.
Avoid Comments
Real programmers write self-explanatory code.
When the next developer “improves” your code by removing the 1.000001 multiplier and everything breaks — excellent lesson.
You’ll restore it, explaining this compensates for a bug in library 2.1.3.
Passwords In Your Head
Only you know the prod password.
When you take vacation, the team will have an unforgettable time hacking their own systems.
When passwords need urgent rotation due to a breach, and you’re on a plane over the Pacific — let admins learn creativity. Breaking into your own server develops great skills.
Following this advice, you’ll create IT infrastructure that works exclusively through magic and your personal presence.
Especially the CEO will enjoy midnight calls: “Everything’s broken, and Pete’s in Maldives with no signal.”